Ramblings

I have spent all day in bed.
Not that I'm complaining. These past few years I've had little time to rest, between two years of college, two jobs last summer, a summer class and a part time job this summer (a job which I had throughout most of my sophomore year in addition to school), in addition to suffering mono and chronic poor health most of my freshman year. So now that I have plenty of time to rest, I am going to take full advantage of it, before life picks up again.
We all need our breaks now and again.

Since I couldn't get much sleep (I never do when I am sick, and the times I am asleep, it's usually because I passed oit for sheer exhaustion), I laid here in bed all day with my mountain of pillows and nest of blankets, the fan humming quietly, with the comfort of my books and laptop, feeling the edges of sleep pulling at me, but not quiet able to give it yet.

I wonder how Mom is doing. She won't be back from her trip until later this week. I miss her, but we've managed to email back and forth. She commented how she understands that it's my choice that I open up to my dad more then I open up to her, though I know that it hurts her. I don't think she realizes why I do it though, I love her so much and I strive to keep a positive relationship with her, but considering her reaction to my sexuality, how would she react to my spiritual choices? How can I talk to her about relationships? How can I lend her my opinion on things without telling her things she may not want to hear? (Though fortunately, on most subjects of politics, she and I tend to be on the same page) Usually whenever I visit her, and especially so when other family members are around, I just take the "sit down and talk as little as you can" approach. Be invisible as you can. I love my family, even if some of them doubt it, and so I hide myself from them in order to keep a civil relationship with them, instead of just being myself and causing heartache and drama.

I wish I had a family that could see and accept me as I am.

Actually, I have no need to wish for that. While that particular family may not know me, I do have family that does. My dad, for instance, a man who let his wife verbally abuse me in her drunken moments, turned out to be the father I need in this point in my life. I used to hate him, but I realize now that he has grown just as much as I have. I guess when people have children, the children aren't the only ones to grow up. The parents have to grow up too.

My friends, Z, Darren, Sony, Darlene, Lara, (among others) are like family to me, and closer to me then any family I've ever had.

Okay, enough angst. ^_^ Time for food. I havent eaten all day.