Drowning

I hate it when I get like this.
I blame the loneliness.
Its amazing how loneliness can change people, how they behave, react, decide.
Patty is gone. Sony is leaving soon, and I haven't been able to get a hold of her for the past couple of days. Z will be gone for a week, and I'm dreading his absence. My ex has been creating drama (again! I swear the boy lives off of it) about something I wrote in a blog. I find myself wanting to have tea with Christian again, just because I long for company with someone, anyone. I'm trying to use Buddhist concepts to help me get through this, and they do help, but its still hard (nothing worth having ever came easily)
The worse of it is that I can't seem to get out of this rut of self-pity. I hate getting into an angsty, woe-is-me phase. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, it annoys the hell out of me.
I grew up part-time in a home with a step-mother who rarely missed an opportunity to remind me how worthless I am, an alcoholic father, a mother who strived for stepford perfection. I now have a job which any idiot can do, and have to deal with rude customers who will vent their frustrations on me or call me "ma'am", despite the fact I am younger then 98% of them. I come home, get on my computer, read, or watch tv with my usual dinner, a bowl of oatmeal.

Sigh.

Things will turn around eventually, and I am grateful for the good times I have experienced, but the low points in life can be frustraiting.