I finally saw my dad today. It was good to see him. We went to dinner at a local diner as he told me about his trip. He had a good time, he found Southern Idaho particularly beautiful.
I really missed him, he is one of the few people I can talk to and not have to hold anything back or censor myself, in fear of offending him. We talked about science and religion. I told him about my studies in Buddhism and how much I enjoyed it. The thing I love my dad is that he is pretty accepting of people, even ones who are different then him, unless he sees their actions as potentionally harmful, and even then his definition of "harmful" is pretty extreme stuff. He is the onewho taught me to look at things at various perspectives and viewpoints. My love of playing devil's advocate stems from that.
The only problem with playing devil's advocate and being able to look at things at multiple and oppsing points of view is that, at the end of the day, you become unsure of what you believe, and without convictions and beliefs, it is hard to find a point of view you agree with because it is possible to agree with different aspects of two or three opposing points of view, which leads to contradiction and confusion. Eventually, you have to decide what you believe, or else you can't form an identity. This doesn't mean you should stop looking at and exploring different perspectives. To stick passionately and strictly to one side while completely disregarding and demeaning all other sides and possibilities leads to narrow mindedness (see religious fanatics).
It took me a long time for me to decide on what I believe in regards to religion, morality, politics, and life in general. I really didn't have much of an identity until my senior year of high school. I started by figuring out the things I knew I
didn't believe:
- I didn't believe a lot of things the evangelical Christians tried to portray as reality, Such as the creation story as fact, their complete disregard for science, the fact that a man can beat his wife, and if she files for divorce, she is in as much sin as he is, if not more (this one actually comes from a youth group who tried to convince me this was true. My mother heard this and was furious, and only went to the youth group once or twice after that.), and the severe sexism found in the bible. One thing I am grateful for is that I when I left the religion to seek truth, I did so without bearing any grudges or ill-will against Christianity. Honestly. I see so many people who leave the faith resentful and angry, and hate all Christians because of it. It is sad to see such people, because I meet a lot of good people in the Chrisitian faith, loving and peaceful people for which the word of Jesus worked for them (such as my sister Amanda and her family). I also met a lot of people who ignored Jesus's teachings on love, kindness, and non-judgement, or only followed such teachings towards those they "approved" of. It is partially because of them that I left to seek the truth on my own. I often have to remind myself that there are angels and assholes in every religion. So, I left that religion to find one I could agree with.
- I didn't believe that the government should make decisions for women in regards to reproductive choices. Nor should the "rights" of a fetus take precidence over the rights of the woman carrying it. So I became pro-choice.
- I didn't believe that homosexuals, bisexuals, pansexuals, asexuals, transgendered should be treated as second class citizens. So I became an advocate of equal rights, gay marriage.
These opinions eventually paved the way for feminisim, reproductive rights, equal rights, moderate liberal political beliefs, and Buddhism.
I still like to consider differing points of view, but now I know what I believe as well, and its is a part of who I am.
When I got home tonight, Darren was apparently not talking to Z or me, gods know why. Maybe he's still peeved about a couple of nights ago, maybe he is lonely and wants the attention, or wants to be left alone. I'm sitting in his room with him watching Star Trek (yes, we are nerds.) If he really wants to be left alone, he can tell me to leave, I'm pretty sure he doesn't mind either way. It's just Darren being Darren. Either way, I consider him a good friend, and try to be there for him.
And.... I have strawberry cheesecake! Nothing shall destroy my joy when strawberry cheesecake is involved! Nothing!
Yum.
