Anxiety Attack

I had to leave work early yesterday because I had a really severe anxiety attack. I ended up going to the clinic at the hospital.

People ask me what triggered it. That's the thing, there is no one thing that triggered it, but many small things. I am feeling pressure and facing problems from all sides of my life, every aspect.


....work has been killing me lately I've been trying to get more time off and it hasn't been working and there is a new coworker I have to deal with who is a real dick and actually had the nerve to put up a picture of himself surrounded by several scantly clad women and I was just appalled by the nerve of him and how sexist he was and I am too exhausted after work to study when I come home so i just crash in front of the computer and I am falling behind in my classes which I hate myself for so I typed my two weeks notice on saturday night because I need more time to focus on school and I feel back about having to quit my job because my parents work so hard to support me and its not fair to them because now they're going to have to spend more money to support me full time and

....breathe......

why did she have to go down to Texas in the middle of a freaking hurricane I was kinda owrried about her even though I figured she would be safe I still had that nagging "what if" running through my head and what will happen when the rest of my famliy finds out I am Buddhist its not really a big secret and they're are bound to find out sooner or later especially since I hope to one day become ordained and then what will they say my mom will be so stressed because she tries so hard to keep the peace in the family and this will definately disrupt that hard-earned peace

....breathe....

there is guy I really like and I know he has feelings for me too but he is so hesitant about jumping into anything for different reasons and I was stupid and told him I didnt ever really want kids because I didn't want him to see me as just a walking uterus who is only good for popping out kids and even though actually I wouldn't mind having a kid of my own and there was an incident earlier this month and now I can't help wondering if an accident could have happened even though I am on birth control and took a Plan B the morning after and I know I am probably over reacting but still I can't help but worry and all I want is for him to just be him happy well I would like to date him but I don't want to pressure him into anything if he is reluctant or hesistant so I just want him to be happy I want to make him happy but what if we did get into something and I fail him like I've failed in my previous relationships and

...breathe....

and what am I going to do after school I would like to do something with Volunteers for Peace and Doctors Without Borders as well but what if I spend all this time trying to get my degree and I find out that I am not good at it and then it is all that time and money wasted and I want to become an ordained Buddhist but when will I find the time and who would teach a wreck like me and with all this anxiety I am a lousy Buddhist

...breathe.....

...breathe.....

...breathe................